Catholic Marriage
In reviewing the information provided on parish registration forms, it is interesting to note the number of couples who indicate that they have not been married in the Catholic Church. This gives cause to review what is in fact a requirement: Catholics must be married through the Church in order to be truly married.
Many Catholics seem to have the idea today that it is just a suggestion or a “better way” to be married in the Church. The reality is that it is the only way for a Catholic to get validly married.
Why is this?
The reason is that when you are baptized a Catholic, the Church takes responsibility for your soul and makes a promise to help you get to heaven. One of the biggest keys to our salvation is the making of, and persevering in holy matrimony. If a person is not married in the Church it makes it impossible for the community to help discharge this responsibility. And so Canon Law states that for a Catholic to get married they must do so through and in the Church. (In special circumstances permission may be granted to celebrate the marriage in a ceremony other than the Catholic rite, but this marriage is still accomplished only through the Church.)
For non-Catholics, they can be married anywhere by any recognized official and still be validly married. The difference for the Catholic is that through baptism they take on the responsibility of being married according to the “form” of the church.
Requirements
This is the first requirement for marriage: “proper form”. But there are several other important requirements. A person must be “free” to marry, that is they do not have a prior marital bond. They must also be capable of marriage, that is mentally and physically capable of carrying out marriage as the Church understands it. The last important requirement is that on the day of their marriage they must promise three things.
The Three Promises
The first promise is fidelity. They must plan on, and intend to be, faithful exclusively to the person they are marrying.
The second is that they must plan on being faithful in a life-long commitment. They cannot just be “seeing if it will work out” but promise for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do they part.
The third promise is openness to children. If a couple were to come to me wanting to get married but be planning on never having children they could not be married in the Church, because they do not want a Christian marriage. However, openness to children does not necessarily mean that they will have children as sometimes sterility or other problems intervene, nor is a marriage that does not have children any less of a marriage or family. Openness to children simply means that the couple will be open to allowing God to bless their marriage with life.
Now for the hard part
People who have been married outside of the Church cannot receive Communion. The reason is that choosing to live in a union that is not a marriage recognized by the Church is a serious sin, which prevents one from receiving communion and even confession so long as one persists in this state. This is true even if the couple feels they are married. The Church that authenticates the Real Presence of Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist is the same Church entrusted with defining what is necessary for a valid marriage, one that has God actually bind the couple together, for life. If one chooses to reject the Church’s teaching and authority with regard to the most important relationship of intimacy between a man and a woman, then they are forfeiting the opportunity to celebrate their Communion with Jesus Christ as Catholics publicly in the reception of Holy Communion.
There is Always Hope
In most cases, however, a marriage may be convalidated (or “blessed”) in a Catholic ceremony in a fairly simple manner. What seems to be at issue, and is very disconcerting is the fact that many people simply do not know that Catholics must be married in a Catholic church by priest or deacon, and that it is not simply a suggestion. If you find yourself in this situation now please call the pastor, so we can get to work at getting things straightened out.
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